Monty Python Has All The Answers

Mike and I have a habit of talking in movie quotes.  For some reason that I've never been able to comprehend it tends to irritate and confuse the people around us.  When I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed I'll exclaim "I'm INVINCIBLE" and Mike will respond with "You're a loonie."  Right now I think his quote is winning. 
When I started the Grand Experiment I figured that 4 months in I would be creating everything from scratch.  Pasta, tortillas, soup, etc.  Then I got the bright idea of starting a business at the same time.  Then I got the brilliant idea of signing up for a bridal show with little more than a month to prepare. Oh, and the absolutely fabulous idea of bribing Sophie with a pet if she had good behavior for 30 days.  I think I've convinced her a lizard is a better idea than a tortoise, I'm not so sure I want a pet I'll have to provide for in my will.  So now I'm trying to do everything and I'm sorry to say the Experiment has been shoved to the back burner.   I still make our bread and jams and butter, but I bought corn tortillas today for our carnitas.  Occasionally I buy canned tomato soup (sans high fructose corn syrup) for Soph.  I'm ashamed to admit I even let Mike bring home store bought ice cream one night.  The only defense I can offer is that at least it was Ben and Jerry's. 
The other part, not buying anything new, has proved harder and much more rewarding than I thought.  I've given up trying to find used canning jars, apparently they are harder to find than pacifists at a gun show.  No luck on a pasta roller or bread cookbooks either.  My quest did lead me to an amazing barter site on Facebook where I have bartered for yard services, herbs and spices, and all kinds of other fun things.  Since they don't make baby straight jackets we were forced to buy a high chair for Orion with a five point harness, I was becoming a little sick of diving for him as he balanced on the kitchen table.  We found one on Craigslist for a fraction of what it would have cost to buy new.  I'm in love with Goodwill now, the kids have darling wardrobes and I don't care when Orion inevitably destroys his clothing.  Yes Mom, I know these are all things you've known for years, it just took me a little longer to get with the program.  It takes more work and a heck of a lot more planning but there's something so much more rewarding about finding a used item rather than waltzing over to the nearest Target. 
I don't know what the moral of this story is yet.  Did I let myself down by not committing one hundred percent to the householding?  Am I not invincible?  Is there someone out there hoarding used mason jars?  I guess I can always look on the bright side of life, there will always be Monty Python.
Oh, and on a side note, I will be posting more recipes from here on out, and if you all have any good ones, fire away.

Darn My Cooking Ability

My father in law is in town for the weekend.  As his daughter in law and mother of the grandchildren he dotes on it is my duty to spoil him.  The only way I really know how to spoil is through food.  A few blogs ago I wrote about how I'm working with a naturopath to become healthy again.  She gave me some strict guidelines on diet and I really haven't had any problems following those guidelines, until tonight. 
I wanted to show my father in law what the Grand Experiment was all about.  He sort of expressed approbation at the clothesline, was a little more excited about the limoncello, and devoured our bread for breakfast.  So today I pulled out all the stops.  Sophie and I made doughnuts for breakfast.  Chocolate covered, yeast raised, deep fried doughnuts.  Mmmmmmmmmmmm.  Then we went to the Olive Mill for lunch and indulged in cured meats from the Pork Shop.  Yummmmm.  The real coup de grace was dinner.  I had ordered some phenomenal lamb loin chops from Double Check Ranch when I found out Dave was coming to visit.  I stuffed them with garlic and mint (courtesy of Taste of Paradise) paired them with a salad derived from Taste of Paradise produce and dressed in olive oil and white balsamic vinegar from the Olive Mill, added couscous steeped in homemade chicken broth and locally purchased shallots and topped the whole thing off with crostini made from spinach feta bread from my dear friend Leslie at Great Harvest.  We sat down to a table laden with almost completely local goodies.  The food had come from my grocery store, otherwise known as Super Farm Market.  The olive oil, vinegar and wine had come from a little further down the road at Queen Creek Olive Mill.  The love was my own addition.
It. Was. Phenomenal.  I rock.  I may be a so so housekeeper, and everybody knows I'll never win a math award, but I can cook like no other.  Sophie asked me if we could have the "steak" every night.  Orion chowed down on dinner until he was covered in it.  Although, to be honest, he does that every night.  Dave, who is quite the foodie, called it amazing.  Mike was too busy eating to tell me what he thought.
Was it healthy? Yes and no.  I waaaaay over-ate on carbs and fat today (I blame Leslie, that bread is diabolical).  And yet, we ate no preservatives, we ate no additives, we ate no corn syrup.  So while it would probably be inadvisable to eat doughnuts for breakfast followed by massive sandwiches stuffed with cured pork products for lunch and then follow it up with lamb and couscous for dinner every day, once in awhile it is amazingly worth it.  There are many things that I dislike about our current state but the local food is certainly not one of them.  So while I am stuffed and sated and content right now I have one question.  Does anyone know a good personal trainer?

Mother's Day Adventure

I know I've mentioned it before, but I have met some extraordinary people on this journey.  I don't know if it's because I have my eyes open and am searching out local food and products, but Phoenix is full of both, and the people involved are wonderful.  Last Sunday my friend Tracy invited Sophie and me to join her and her kids peach picking.  Orion and Mike were invited too but the thought of my son on a working farm with tractors, ladders, sharp implements and farm animals made me a little faint.  So the boys stayed home and the girls sashayed off to Schnepf Farm.  We spent the afternoon picking peachy-golden orbs of heaven out of pesticide free orchards.  Everywhere we looked people were munching on sun-warmed peaches straight off the trees.  Sophie showed an amazing ability to find perfect peaches and developed a pretty serious crush on Tracy's 14 year old son.  Apparently Mike and I need to go on a date so he and his sister can babysit.  Soon.  After we had picked as many peaches as we could carry we headed over The Olive Mill for homemade gelato for the kids and local beer for the moms.  We headed home slightly sunburnt, full of gelato and with a trunk full of fruit.
I can't imagine a more perfect way to spend this Mother's Day.  Sophie and I rarely get time together alone and the boys had fun staying at home playing video games.  To spend the day gathering fruit  not covered in pesticides, supporting local businesses, and with good friends was completely in tune with our lifestyle out here.  I am grateful beyond belief that the Experiment opened our minds and hearts to all that Phoenix has to offer. 

Situational Awareness

For the past month I've been dealing with crippling fatigue, killer headaches and all sorts of fun digestive problems.  Don't worry, I'm not going to go into details.  The fatigue is so bad that I spend most of my day waiting for the kids' naptime so I can sleep,  and then waiting for bedtime.  I went to a regular doctor and he told me that I was a bored housewife with not enough to do.  Considering that I have two children, two cats, my own business and make all my own food, I decided to get a second opinion.  I found a naturopathic MD and fell head over heels in love with her.  She spent an hour and a half with me, going over not only my symptoms but Orion's and Sophie's as well.  Orion has been having trouble digesting his food and Sophie has been complaining of tummy aches and headaches.  As it turns out, this doctor sees a lot of this from people who move into the valley from places that are not addicted to pesticides and herbicides.  Coming from Boulder (hippie capital of Colorado) we were very rarely exposed to poisons.  Here we live right across the street from a golf course that sprays chemicals almost daily and my neighbors seem to believe that gasoline makes a perfectly acceptable weed killer.  This is good news and bad news.  The good news is that we have an idea of what is going on, the bad news is that there is very little we can do to mitigate it.
I became very frustrated because I have done everything I can to help us be healthier, inside and out.  We use vinegar, borax and lemon juice to clean with. Obviously we don't eat preservatives or chemicals.  Our lawn is officially a gasoline free zone.  And yet my son is so constipated that we have him on a liquid diet.  The kid would happily dispose of me, his sister and his dad to get his hands on a steak right now.  He keeps eying the cats in a hungry manner. 
The other problem the doc thinks I have is related to how many carbs I eat.  I have admitted to my bagel addiction in previous posts. and I really really love my bread.  Really.  But our grain heavy diet might also be hurting our digestive health.  So now I have to become really creative.  I have to find ways to make my children eat meat, veggies, fruit and lots of yogurt.  We won't cut out grains completely, but they will be more of an occasional visitor rather than a long standing houseguest.
I will do anything I can to keep us all healthy, that is a huge part of this experiment.  Unfortunately I don't think I can control the golf course or the neighbors.
This is just another evolution in our ongoing journey this year.  And it's not all bad.  Hopefully I can get the kids hooked on leafy greens and convince my husband that Brussel Sprouts are not the veggie equivalent of Agent Orange.  Yeah, that one might be beyond me, he won't even eat them with bacon.  So that frat boy pasta war I was going to wage may have to wait awhile, but it just gives me more time to plot my strategy for domination.  If I can build our immune systems up hopefully we can battle the ongoing deluge of poisons here.

Malto Gluco Sorbo Gluta What?

Ok, I admit it, I bought potato chips today.  I did it and I'm not sorry.  (Maybe a little.) I'd do it again! (Probably not)  I tried to retrieve my virtue and pride by making my own dip.  I had Greek yogurt at home and figured I would buy a packet of spices to make ranch dip.  Mike has started calling me the Ingredient Nazi, but I prefer the Ingredient Junky, although both have unpleasant connotations.  I can't stop reading ingredients now, it's becoming an addiction.  So I flipped over the packet of Hidden Valley Ranch dip mix expecting to see, oh I don't know, things like onion powder, garlic powder, maybe salt.  Instead I found monosodium glutamate and maltodextrin.  I flashed to all the commercials of kids cavorting around, their crisp green veggies covered in........ MSG!!!  Gah!  I finally found an organic dip mix that had nothing but dehydrated spices and citric acid but a little more of my faith in the food business had been permanently eroded.  Gotta love the kicker though, I was inspecting a packet of Papa John's pizza sauce and there was not a single ingredient on there that didn't come from nature.  No high fructose corn syrup, no weird preservatives, no msg. 
So I will get off my high horse and say that curiosity may kill the cat, but it can keep us all a lot healthier.  I'll bet every single one of you would have said that Hidden Valley Ranch is healthier than Papa Johns Pizza Sauce, right?  Marketing is an amazing tool and it depends on the audience having a certain amount of faith that what they are seeing is true.  My faith is fading but my knowledge is growing.  One more cool side effect of the grand Experiment.

Children keep us humble

Had another glitch in my triumphant montage yesterday.  I made a Greek dinner.  The table was spread with heaps of golden, puffy pita bread pulled straight from the oven.  Creamy tzatziki snuggled next to garlicky roasted red pepper hummus.  The bounty was rounded off with roasted chicken, black olives and little jewels of chopped tomatoes.  We sat down and I beamed at my family.  Here we were, sitting down to a healthy, homemade and fabulous meal.  Any minute now they would stand and applaud me, exclaiming at my prowess as a chef and mother. 
And then Sophie started wailing that the hummus was spicy.  The tzatziki was yucky.  She didn't like those kinds of tomatoes.  Orion smeared his dinner all over his tray and started throwing chicken at me.  He spit out the olives and dribbled greek yogurt down his front without actually ingesting any of it.  Sophie went to bed without dinner, preferring that to my food.  I managed a half of a pita before I had to cart Orion off to his third bath of the day and deal with a screaming 4 year old drama queen. 
I don't really know what the moral of the story is.  Maybe that my children are normal.  They may have above average palates but they still like what they like, and that doesn't include hummus.  Maybe that standing ovations are not always in the cards.  Maybe to appreciate that Mike loved the food, so one out of three isn't bad.
 I think I will edit last night out of the montage.

Crisis of Conscience

I believe in everything in moderation.  I try to practice that as well, although I fight my natural urge to take everything (and I mean everything) to the extreme.  Ask my husband about my feelings on Cool Whip.  I believe it's ok for kids to have sugar once in awhile, or pizza, or a root beer float.  Heck, I make lollipops for a living.  At the market on Thursday I came up against a problem that I haven't been able to resolve.  Two children, a boy and a girl, came up to my booth to buy lollipops.  They were not just chubby but fairly seriously overweight.  With their mother's blessing they bought 5 lollipops, immediately unwrapping one each and popping them in their mouths.  I watched as they shopped the rest of the market.  These kids were probably 8 and 10 years old.  In an hour they consumed two of my lollipops each, 5 honey sticks each and a soda each.  This was before they ordered dinner from the food truck.  My heart broke for them because they were never given a chance to be healthy.  They will have a host of health problems, probably already do, and it's not their fault.  I can't stop myself from feeling guilty for selling them the lollipops and yet I know that I can't pick and choose who I sell to.  Most children who buy my suckers are excited because it's a big treat, a once in awhile chance to eat a watermelon cow.  These two children weren't excited, they were addicted.  I'm angry at their mother, and angry at a country where nutrition and real food are reserved for the wealthy.  I'm not sure how to resolve my part in their tragedy, because it really truly is a tragedy.